How not to run your first ultramarathon

Or some tips for any race you don't want to end crying in a graveyard

The year is 2015. My running career consists of one disastrous marathon dressed as a purple Crayola crayon and a second which was equally as painful but at least I wasn’t in fancy dress for. I had yet to grasp that to enjoyably run long distances you really need to train for them (at least a little bit). I didn’t understand fuelling. I had no idea how to navigate. I didn’t own a running vest or hydration pack. I hadn’t discovered Body Glide, even.

The perfect time to sign up for your first ultramarathon, you might say.

Despite my distinct lack of experience, at this point I’d already decided I wanted to have a go at doing a big running adventure. I was completely naive, not fully understanding quite how unqualified I was to be attempting a 10-month run. I guess it was a case of not knowing what you don’t know. I remember thinking it would be a good idea to have at least one ultramarathon under my belt before embarking on that adventure though, so I entered a race taking place two months…